With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, love, or the lack there of, is probably a topic of conversation among people you know. Some of you might be longing to rekindle a love that has died down over time, yet are unsure how to begin. If you’re like many couples, the addition of children, work stress and the general busyness of life takes a toll over time, creating a relationship void of fun, intimacy and communication. There is hope, however! Love and passion can return to your relationship if both people are determined to work hard and are open to making changes and trying new things.
Here’s what I suggest:
Discuss your desires and expectations. Your partner is not a mind reader. So you will need to take some time to talk about what a revival in your marriage would look like, being honest about your hopes and expectations. It’s likely that both of you desire to change the same things about your relationship, whether it is to have more fun together, to communicate with each other the way you used to or to revive intimacy in the bedroom. The simple act of dreaming about your rekindled relationship is a great bonding activity and helps create a plan going forward.
Date your spouse. Remember when you first met and wanted to spend every waking minute together? Nowadays, between shuttling kids to different activities and putting in long hours at work, many couples feel like they are ships passing in the night. A great way to reconnect is to commit to consistently spending more quality time together. Take turns planning dates for each other—even if it means saving money and staying in—there are plenty of wonderful ways to have an affordable at-home date as well! Keep in mind that consistency matters. Schedule your dates as you would any other appointment and regard that time as precious and important.
Take time to talk. When was the last time you and your partner had a meaningful conversation about something other than your children, home or money? Sure, those things are important and should be discussed; however, spend time chatting about other topics as well. One of the best ways to get to know someone better is to ask him or her questions. Discuss topics in the news or events that occurred during your day, or just ask each other fun hypothetical questions. Even if you’ve been together for years, you can always learn something new about each other. Another great idea is to use modern technology to communicate. Send each other e-mails or quick text messages during the day to let the other person know you’re thinking about him.
Serve your spouse. On some level, everyone desires to be cared for. An outstanding way to add spice and passion to your relationship is to go out of your way to serve your spouse and make him or her feel special. Be intentional about knowing your partner’s stresses and figuring out ways to help alleviate them. Perhaps you surprise your spouse with coffee in bed or leave her a love note in the bathroom—or even send an encouraging text during the day. You’ll be amazed how random acts of love and service add romance to your relationship and bring you closer.
This year, think of February 14th as the New Year’s Day of your relationship. Commit to getting to know each other again, reviving the romance and taking your relationship to a deeper level in the coming months.
David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a Psychologist and the Clinical Director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide.
Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street Columbus, OH 43206 or by phone at 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.
