During his Father’s Day Weekend radio and Internet address, President Obama talked about his own father’s absence and how he was raised by a single mom and two wonderful grandparents who made incredible sacrifices for him. Nevertheless, he admits that today he is still figuring out how to be a better father to his two daughters.
Like the president, many youngsters in this country grow up without a father’s presence in their lives. Recent studies indicate that a father’s absence can have a long-lasting effect on a child. Research tells us that kids who grow up with good adult role models have a better chance at getting ahead in life than somebody who does not. Fathers are an integral part of the family unit, and it’s important for kids to have a relationship with their father whenever possible.
The statistics on households with absent fathers is a bit grim. According to 2011 U.S. Census Bureau data, over 24 million children in the U.S. live apart from their biological fathers. That is one out of every three (33 percent) children in America. Nearly two in three (64 percent) African American children, one in three (33 percent) Hispanic children, and one in four (25 percent) white children live in father-absent homes. This represents a dramatic shift from 1960 when only 11 percent of children lived in homes where the father was absent. Unfortunately, children who live without a biological father, on average, are two to three times more likely to be poor; use drugs; experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems; be victims of child abuse; and engage in criminal behavior than their peers. Clearly, the role of the father is an important one.
Certainly the best-case scenario is for kids to have a relationship with their biological father. But if that is not possible–sometimes because Dad has passed away–every effort should be made to find an appropriate role model for the child. This could be an uncle, stepfather, older sibling, next-door neighbor or grandfather. This individual helps teach the child how to be responsible, what men do in a household, and the role of a person who is instrumental in leading the family.
In too many instances, however, parents who are divorced or separated create a situation where the father is no longer present. It’s important for fathers to realize that just because they don’t have a relationship with their spouse or significant other, it does not mean they don’t need to have a relationship with their child. In fact, parents should do everything possible to maintain a amiable relationship. Instead, too many parents say: “I’m going to make my kid not like you.” They often forget that it’s not the child’s fault that his or her parents don’t get along. It’s important to remember that kids can have a relationship with both mom and dad–even when they are no longer living together.
If parents want their kids to be responsible and caring, they need to model that behavior. This is difficult for any parent to do when they’re not around–and that includes parents who work long hours. But some father-child relationship is better than no father-child relationship. Even if Dad gets home at 7 p.m., it’s not too late to engage with the kids. The quality of the relationship is more important than the amount of time spent. Watch television together; eat together; go up to their bedroom for some genuine face time. Even if the door is closed, knock. Parents should make an effort to interact with their kids on a daily basis.
The issue of father absence is one of our country’s most pressing social issues. We must work together to ensure that our children are equipped with a family unit that will help them to succeed in life. It begins with helping to preserve the father-child relationship.
