It’s hard to raise kids, and there’s no playbook to help you navigate the ups and downs of parenthood. But once your kids are self-sufficient adults, it’s tempting to think your job as a parent is done. That is, of course, until something goes wrong and they need your assistance. Such is the case when your adult child is going through a divorce. Here’s how you can help during this difficult time.
Listen without judgment. There are two sides to every divorce, and it’s not your place to judge what went wrong or point out anyone’s failures. Instead, be a good listener and allow your child to vent when emotions are running high. Refrain from expressing your opinion or telling your son or daughter where they went wrong. Focus instead on being someone your child can talk to and express how they feel in a safe, loving environment.
Offer encouragement. Despite your personal disappointment about the fact that your child’s marriage has ended, do your best not to infuse hurtful comments or negative stories from the past. Remember that your child is mourning the loss of plans and goals for a future with the person who is now their ex-spouse. Instead, help ease the pain with words of encouragement.
Be a stellar grandparent. This is where you can really make a difference. With your child’s blessing, of course, increase the amount of time you spend with your grandkids, maybe transporting them to extracurricular activities or sharing a special hobby together. Let them know that your love for them has not changed and that they can talk to you openly and freely. Above all, don’t say bad things about your child’s ex, keeping in mind that they will always be the parent of your grandchildren.
Here’s the bottom line: It can be painful to watch your adult child go through a divorce. As a parent, your natural instinct is to help. Begin by listening without judging. Offer words of encouragement and a safe haven for your child to vent. Finally, bolster your grandparent duties by offering a stable environment and a temporary refuge from any grief they may be experiencing.
Image by Mircea Iancu from Pixabay
Dr. David Lowenstein is a Columbus, Ohio-based psychologist with more than 35 years of experience. He conducts individual, family, and group therapy sessions in his German Village office and also via telehealth. Dr. Lowenstein is also available for expert forensic testimony, and for educational workshops and presentations. He is frequently called upon as an expert source for print, radio, and broadcast media. Contact Dr. Lowenstein at Lowenstein & Associates, 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.
