Are self-centeredness and narcissism on the rise? Based on the headlines, it sure seems that way. Stories that expose greed appear to outnumber stories of generosity by a wide margin.

You may be surprised to learn that although instances of narcissistic behavior may seem common, the disorder is actually fairly rare. Only about .5 to 1 percent of the overall population can be legitimately diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Dealing with the true narcissists in your life can be difficult. But it may help to learn more about the disorder, the traits narcissists tend to display and how to interact with these people in a way that remains healthy for you.

What is narcissistic personality disorder?

Everyone exhibits narcissistic behavior once in awhile, and more often during certain life stages or periods of stress. But true NPD is more profound than occasional bouts of egotism. Narcissists think they are number-one, and everyone else takes a backseat in their mind. They have a constant need for admiration and typically lack empathy.

Common traits

For individuals with NPD, the behavior is ingrained in their personality. While the signs and symptoms vary among people, the Mayo Clinic identifies the following, which you may notice as regularly occurring trends rather than occasional bursts of egotism:

• Taking advantage of others to get what they want
• Impatience or anger when they don’t receive special treatment
• A tendency to exaggerate their achievements and talents
• An expectation to be recognized as superior, regardless of merit
• Difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
• A tendency to easily feel slighted or insulted
• A belief that they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

Tips for dealing with narcissists

You may be nodding along as you read this, thinking of certain people in your life. And even though you recognize the tendencies in them, you may be struggling to find healthy ways to interact with them. Here are some tips that might help:

• Try to stay positive. Narcissists who enjoy causing pain will only be encouraged when you show it. So by all means, don’t let them get the best of you. You don’t want them to see your squirm.

• Voice your grievances. Acknowledge that you are feeling frustrated, and that the narcissistic person is the source of that frustration. Approach it calmly, but be clear about how you expect to be treated. This is the first step in putting an end to the behavior.

• Recognize their insecurity. Deep down, narcissists are highly vulnerable emotionally, and their behavior is an attempt to feel better about this. Knowing where their insecurity lies can help you reassure them, if you choose, and maybe convince them to calm down.

• Don’t change your plans. It can be extremely easy to let your own goals and sense of self take a backseat to the narcissist, but that’s not necessary. Remember that you don’t always have to give that person the attention he or she craves.

• Understand that they may need help. It can be really easy to despise the narcissists in your life. But this is truly a disorder, and many narcissists could benefit from professional help. If it’s safe and appropriate for you to suggest this, it’s certainly worth considering.

• Realize that this is who they are. Unfortunately, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to get a narcissist to change. So the sooner you accept it, the better. Arguing won’t help. It’s like trying to argue with a brick wall. You will need to find other ways to communicate with them, or simply get out of the relationship.

Narcissists may be rare, but they can be extremely difficult to deal with. A better understanding of the disorder and how to assert yourself goes a long way toward maintaining healthy relationships with the narcissistic people in your life.

David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a psychologist and the clinical director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide. Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.