It’s that time of year again. Dozens of first-day-of-school photos are filling your Facebook newsfeed, proof that another new school year is underway. And while it may be fun to see all the smiling faces, it will soon be time to get down to some serious learning. The joy of a shiny new lunchbox or a favorite pair of new sneakers will soon fade as the routine of another school year takes over.

While it’s true that some kids like school better than others, almost every parent will hear these words at some point in their child’s academic career: “I hate school; I don’t want to go back.” As a parent, it’s important not to overreact, but if the problem is persistent, it’s also important to find out what’s going on. Here are a few tips that should help:

Make sure the complaint is consistent. If your child complains only once, he could be having a bad day or maybe an unpleasant interaction with the teacher. It’s also not unusual if your child doesn’t want to return to school after a weekend of fun. Older kids will test to see if you’ll cave in and let them play a little hooky. That’s normal, as long as they eventually makes it to school without too much fuss. But if your child refuses to attend school, there may be a bigger problem.

Ask questions. The best way to find out what’s behind the behavior is to ask. Try to get your child to open up by asking questions like “What happened?” or “What do you hate about school?”

Talk to your child’s teacher. If the problem stems from the classroom, the teacher is your best resource. Ask for the teacher’s opinion and whether he or she has suggestions that might remedy the problem.

Take an active interest in what’s happening in your child’s class. It’s important to show an interest in what your child is doing in school. Acting uninterested sends a message to your child that school is a low priority.

Getting to the Root of the Problem

There may be a host of reasons why your child suddenly doesn’t want to go to school. For starters, he or she may be very active, perhaps even hyperactive, making it uncomfortable to sit still in a classroom for several hours. These kids may feel like they are constantly being chastised by their teachers to stay in their seats, focus on their work or keep their hands to themselves. Here are a couple more common reasons–especially during the grade school years:

Your child feels at risk socially. Kids who feel rejected, ostracized or ignored by their peers may perceive the school environment as lonely, uncomfortable or threatening. It’s tough when you’re only seven years old, and you feel unaccepted or different.

When this occurs, listen to your child’s complaints and take them seriously. If the pattern of complaints continues, check it out further by talking with the teacher. If your son or daughter is legitimately feeling sad and lonely at school, it’s possible to help create and cement social relationships for your child–particularly in the early years. Here’s how:

• Jumpstart friendships by inviting classmates to your house to play after school or on weekends
• Get to know the other parents; some of them are probably in a similar situation and looking to help their kids establish relationships as well
• Explore organizations like Cub Scouts and Brownies, sports teams or other programs that may interest your child; meeting kids who share similar interests often helps to promote friendships

Your child feels academically inferior. Some kids feel stupid if other kids tease them for making an error in class. It’s humiliating when you answer the question incorrectly and 20 other kids witness your unsatisfactory performance. If you determine that this is the problem, there are things you can do:

• Talk to your child’s teacher or guidance counselor about assessment and remediation
• Pursue tutorial situations that will address areas of academic weakness; if your child’s achievement testing meets certain criteria, he should be eligible for special programs that provide individualized instruction designed to bring his knowledge, grades and skills up to par

By getting to the root of the problem, you increase your child’s chances of succeeding in school, both socially and academically. That’s not something you want to overlook. If your child complains about going to school–or even refuses to attend–don’t wait to develop a plan of action. Act now.

David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a psychologist and the clinical director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide. Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street
Columbus, OH 43206 or by phone at 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.