“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” – Mr. Rogers

From fighting in the Middle East, to the Malaysian Airlines crashes, to the recent Ebola breakouts, there’s been no shortage of dismal news during the last several months. Once again, we are reminded that disaster and tragedy are inescapable. As a parent, it’s difficult to explain these events to children in a way that helps them understand without feeling afraid.

It’s important to know that children don’t process information the same way adults do. Truth is, children have a smaller world view and struggle to understand information in a context that does not pertain directly to them. With this in mind, here are a few things you can do to talk with your children about tragedy, reassure them of their safety and create a safe environment for tough conversations going forward.

• Ask, then explain. Before jumping into an explanation, ask your children what they think happened. You’ll likely be surprised by what they have already seen on television or heard from friends. It’s important to know what frame of reference their question is coming from before responding. When answering their questions, especially with young children, be selective about what details you share. In most cases, use vague explanations and remember to reassure them of their safety and your role as their protector.

• Pour on the love. Even if your children seem unaffected by the tragedy, they will likely sense your stress or sadness. A great way to reassure your children during these times is to give them extra love and attention. Play with them, cuddle them, read to them and go out of your way to make them feel special. Children need physical comfort to feel secure and safe.

• Maintain your routine. Children thrive in structured environments that provide stability, comfort and reassurance. During times of stress, it’s important to maintain your normal routine. You might not feel like cooking dinner or going to the park or singing songs before bed, but your children expect it and depend on it.

• Unplug. One of the best things you can do for your children during a tragedy is to turn off the TV. The television images that appear during a disaster are often gruesome and will only add to a child’s fear and anxiety.

• Look for the helpers. It’s important to teach children that even though horrible things may happen in the world, there are always good people who want to help. Point out the rescue workers that you see and remind your children of the many ways they are helping to make the situation better.

• Be a doer. Tragic events often leave us feeling helpless, especially if they occur far away. A great way to bring hope to these situations is to make a contribution, even if it seems small. Talk to your child about ways your family can help. You could write thank you letters to firefighters or police officers, donate money to relief efforts or take part in a supportive event or initiative.

Although tragedy in life is unavoidable, our response, especially with regards to our children, is something we can control. The way we react to children in the midst of devastating circumstances teaches them important lessons about life and equips them to handle tragedy in the future.

David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a Psychologist and the Clinical Director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide.

Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street
Columbus, OH 43206 or by phone at 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.