Anyone going through a divorce knows how complicated and stressful it can be. Even though most divorces are uncontested, there’s still no guarantee that the process will be smooth and stress-free. However, things are generally easier when there are no disagreements over the terms of separation.

On the other hand, a contested divorce occurs when a couple is unable to agree on everything in the separation agreement. This could include matters about the division of assets, spousal and child support, or even the grounds for divorce. It’s a long and contentious process, and the legal fees can add up quickly.

Unfortunately, couples navigating a contested divorce have more to deal with than the financial cost. A divorce can take a significant toll on their emotional and mental health as well. If this sounds like you or someone you know, here are a few things to help you through the process.  

• Take care of yourself. A contested divorce is going to be particularly stressful, so be sure to establish a way to relax and recharge. This could be as simple as setting aside time every day for a short walk, meditation, or journaling. Some days will be harder than others, so it’s important to give yourself grace. Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat a loved one going through the same experience. 
• Give yourself time and space for healthy grieving. Divorce can be a traumatic experience, and you’re going to experience anger, sadness, disappointment, and a wide range of other difficult emotions. Know that they are all valid feelings and part of your healthy grieving process. You’ve lost a relationship and all the hopes and expectations that come with marriage. You deserve time and space to heal. 
• Find support. It’s hard enough to separate from the person you thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with. Don’t go through the process alone. Be open to your friends and family and call on them for help. A support group is another great option because it can provide an opportunity to talk with individuals who understand from firsthand experience what you’re going through.   
• Be financially and legally prepared. You’ll save yourself from additional stress and worry if you go into the contested divorce process with a solid financial and legal strategy. Consider your resources and consult the experts, including divorce attorneys and financial advisors. Create a budget, organize your important documents, and make sure you know what you want and need from the divorce.

Understand the role of mental health professionals

A therapist is adependable source of emotional support that can provide mental health care during and after your contested divorce. The relationship is voluntary, which means you can decide if you want to participate and for how long.

A forensic psychologist serves the court. If they are called upon for a custody evaluation, both spouses are usually required to participate. A forensic psychologist will work independently to validate information from the spouses and may also obtain information from independent sources.

Your divorce attorney will be able to provide guidance and referrals to ensure you are connected with the right mental health professionals for you and your family.

Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

Be sure to check back next month to learn about the emotional impact of contested divorce on children and how parents can protect their well-being.

Dr. David Lowenstein is a Columbus, Ohio-based psychologist with more than 35 years of experience. He conducts individual, family, and group therapy sessions in his German Village office and also via telehealth. Dr. Lowenstein is also available for expert forensic testimony, and for educational workshops and presentations. He is frequently called upon as an expert source for print, radio, and broadcast media. Contact Dr. Lowenstein at Lowenstein & Associates, 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.