Father’s Day is this Sunday, and many new—and not so new—dads might be reflecting on how fatherhood has changed their lives. Once you’re a dad, it’s easy to feel like there’s barely time for a conversation with your spouse, much less making plans with friends. Although work and family may be robbing you of any free time, remember that maintaining your adult friendships is an important contributor to your overall mental well being. Considering that more than a third of new fathers have concerns about their own mental health, keeping in touch with your friends is a worthwhile challenge. If you’re having trouble, here are a few things to consider.
Life is less spontaneous.
Meeting up with some friends on short notice might be much harder to do, especially in the early years of fatherhood. Some of your friends without children might not realize this, and they may stop extending the invitation because they don’t want to pester you when you’re busy.
If you want to see your friends, take the initiative and make the first call, but make sure your family’s calendar is in order beforehand. Planning something regular or semi-regular well in advance will make it easier for both you and your friends to get together.
Friendships will change, so roll with it.
No matter how hard you try, your relationships with others will change over time—whether kids are part of the picture or not. Fatherhood only speeds up that change. So, rather than trying to force friendships into the mold they once inhabited, don’t be afraid to acknowledge and accept them for what they are now. This may mean hanging out at different times or places than your regular routine (the late-night watering hole may no longer be ideal with a baby waiting at home), or it could simply mean that your communications are less frequent.
You’ll change as well, and that’s not a bad thing.
It’s cliché, but it’s also true—fatherhood changes your life in ways you can only fully understand once it happens. Your priorities get completely rearranged, your responsibilities grow or shift, and the emotions that come with parenthood may be both higher and lower than you’ve ever experienced. Make no mistake. This changes a person. Once you realize that, you can then decide whether it will also change your friendships.
As you celebrate Father’s Day this weekend, take a moment to reflect on your adult friendships and how they’ve evolved since you’ve become a parent. Those relationships may look different than they did a decade ago, but chances are they’re just as important.
David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a psychologist and the clinical director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide. Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street Columbus, OH 43206 or by phone at 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.
