Bullying—both physical and emotional—can leave lasting psychological scars on the victim, placing that person at an increased risk for substance abuse, depression, academic problems and violence later in life, according to the Center for Disease Control. October is Bullying Prevention Awareness Month, and throughout the month we’ve been talking about the victims of bullying. Now we’d like to turn our attention to the bully. What causes a bully to act this way? How can you identify the warning signs in a child or adult? And what can you do to offer support and intervene? Let’s take a closer look.
Difficulty Regulating Emotions
According to research, many bullies lack certain emotional skills, particularly impulse control and the ability to regulate their emotions. The average person must be able to control his or her emotions countless times each day, but bullies find it nearly impossible not to respond when a negative emotion flares.
A Dysfunctional Family
When there is trouble at home, this also increases the likelihood that a child will resort to bullying as it provides a sense of control in the bully’s life. An Australian study surveyed 856 adolescent boys and girls and found that family dysfunction was greater for students who reported bullying others. Dysfunctional families were defined as those with parents who are abusive, perfectionists, withhold love and affection, or parents who abandon their children.
Being Bullied By Another
This cause is frequently depicted in the movies and on television, and it often plays out in real life. Truth is, bullies often see themselves as being bullied in the past—by a parent, another child, or online in the form of cyberbullying. The child feels powerless, and may play the role of bully as a misplaced attempt to regain some form of authority in his or her life.
Their Bullying has Been Rewarded
Our society tends to focus on individuals who behave poorly, and for a child who is starved for attention, even negative attention can offer a small reward. Bullying often pays off in tangible ways, such as the bully who takes the victim’s lunch money and now has his own lunch money to spend on other things.
While these common causes are never an excuse for bullying, they do offer some insight into the behavior of a bully. Understanding why bullies act the way they do goes a long way toward helping to prevent it from happening in the future.
David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a psychologist and the clinical director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide. Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street Columbus, OH 43206 or by phone at 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.
