In the wake of the sudden and tragic death of comedian and actor Robin Williams, the topic of depression once again rises to the surface. And rightfully so. It is a disease that affects millions of people each year.

Yet while the sheer number of people who suffer from depression is alarming, the amount of people who do not receive treatment is devastating. Recent statistics suggest that 80 percent of people who experience symptoms of clinical depression do not get the help they need. It is my hope that by talking about people like Robin Williams and the struggles he faced, we can lessen the stigma surrounding depression and get down to the business of helping people.

One of the best things you can do to help a friend or loved one who is depressed is to come alongside them on their journey. Rather than let these individuals suffer in secret, make every effort to care for them in a non-judgmental way. That’s when the real healing can begin.

Here are a few things you can do to help someone who may be depressed:

• Make it your business to be in their business. Without sounding rude or pushy, it is important to let your friend or loved know that you are there to help, no matter what. Remind them that you love them and that you would want someone to love you in a similar manner.

• Ask questions. People who suffer from depression are not always quick to volunteer information about their thoughts or feelings. A great way to encourage discussion is to point out specific behaviors that you’ve observed. For instance: “I noticed that you canceled plans with your friends for dinner on Friday night; that’s so unlike you.”

• Offer practical help. Depression is often described as a dark fog. People who live inside the fog feel hopeless and unable to make even the simplest decisions. Offer help in practical ways, such as inviting them to dinner, bringing them a meal or including them in a fun activity or event. If they don’t already have one, help them find a good therapist, even if it means making the appointment and driving them to it.

• Use the “S” word. While it might be the last thing you want to talk about, you need to be upfront about the issue of suicide. Ask them if they ever think about hurting themselves and be prepared to act quickly if their answer is yes. As a friend or family member, share your concerns with your loved one’s therapist and work to educate yourself about the warning sides of suicide. Although there is a wide range of signs, many suicidal people display one or more of them.

• Be positive and patient. It can be difficult and exhausting to be around someone who is depressed, but you can help by remaining positive. If they feel hopeless about their treatment, encourage them to stick with the process. Remind them that it might take a while for them to feel better but that you will always be there for them and that you are proud of their decision to get help. If they push you away or cut you down, choose to respond with love rather of anger.  You’ll also need to practice patience. Depression is a lifelong battle for some people, but knowing that there is someone in their corner—someone who is along for the ride—makes a huge difference and provides hope.

• Eliminate the judgment. The last thing a depressed person needs is judgment or criticism. Unless you have personally experienced depression, it is impossible to fully understand what your loved one is thinking or feeling. Avoid using statements that minimize their feelings and make them feel weak. Statements like “stop being so pessimistic” or “it’s not as bad as you think” often do more harm than good and make the person feel worse about themselves.

• Listen. When in doubt, listen. Everyone wants to be heard and understood. When you commit to listening, without judging or offering uneducated advice, you validate the person’s feelings, establish trust and make them feel important.

David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a Psychologist and the Clinical Director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide.

Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street
Columbus, OH 43206 or by phone at 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.