From Newtown, Connecticut to Boston, Massachusetts, our world has been turned upside down during the last several months. And with the onslaught of media coverage, no one is untouched by these disasters–including children. Parents, teachers and other caregivers are left wondering how to help children cope with these events, as evidenced by the number of requests I’ve received to address this issue. Given that this topic is on just about everyone’s mind, let’s take a closer look at what children understand about disaster and what parents and other caregivers can do to help them cope.

What Do Children Understand?

Let me begin by saying that children think differently than adults. To best help our children, we must recognize how children of different ages understand these high-profile tragedies.

Younger Children

• Young children, preschoolers and early elementary-age children are egocentric, which means they understand the world best in relation to themselves. So they think about any disaster in relation to their own lives and how it may affect them.
• Young children tend to assume that others will feel like they do, so they may be concerned about the welfare of others. These children may be afraid to go to bed at night, fearing that their own  home or room is not safe.
• They may seem more needy or clingy than usual, and they may be more upset than usual when separated from their parents.
• Caregivers should be responsive to these needs and offer extra nurturing and physical reassurance of their presence in children’s lives.

Late-Elementary and Middle School

• As children get older and move into late-elementary and middle school, they think in concrete terms, and so they will think about the concrete effects of disaster and tragedy.
• They may fear that their own school or home will be a target for destruction, after seeing what happened at Newtown and at the Boston Marathon.
• Elementary-age and middle school children understand these events in terms of individual actions and individual emotions such as revenge, hatred or envy.

Teens

• It is not until adolescence that children are able to think more abstractly and understand disaster in terms of political beliefs, according to research. Teenagers are more likely to think about the global implications and the reasons behind a particular incident.

Helping Children Cope

Knowing what children can understand about traumatic events helps caregivers to respond more effectively. Caregivers should focus on the developmental level of the child. Good caregiver-child interaction is important when it comes to coping with disastrous events. But parents should be diligent about also looking after their own well-being. Research shows that a parent’s emotional state is significantly related to children’s emotional states.

Researchers suggest three types of coping assistance that adults can offer children: emotional processing, roles and routines, and distraction.

Emotional Processing: Children must be given opportunities to discuss their feelings about traumatic events. In our media-saturated society, most children have been exposed to news coverage and video footage that will affect them. Begin by asking them how it makes them feel. Offer opportunities where they can express themselves. Some children might prefer to draw a picture or write a letter that expresses how they feel. Likewise, let them know how you feel. By sharing your emotions in a way that is appropriate for the child’s age and developmental level, you let him or her know that it is okay to feel sad, scared and confused.

Roles and Routines: Children need predictability in their lives. Providing a daily routine and continuing daily habits provides security for children. Disaster is unpredictable, and children need the reassurance and security that daily structure can provide.

Distraction: Although it is beneficial for children to express their emotions related to traumatic events, it may not be helpful for them to dwell on these events excessively. Begin by turning off the radio or TV since exposure to continuous news coverage of traumatic events may prevent children from returning to routines and engaging in productive activities. Instead, get them involved in familiar, safe activities–play games, go for a walk, prepare a meal together, talk about other things happening in their lives.

Still, some researchers suggest making traumatic events personally meaningful to change the way we think about them. For instance, you may want to help children find constructive ways to deal with their feelings about traumatic events, such as writing a letter of encouragement or thanks to firefighters, doctors, nurses or military personnel. Or, you may want to help children make donations of money or other items to help with relief efforts. These types of activities provide children the opportunity to play a useful role in relation to tragic events, and it helps them to change their focus from one of fear to one of hope.