Looking for ways to help to foster healthy self-esteem in a child? Here are some tips that can make a big difference:

• Watch what you say. Children are very sensitive to parents’ words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if your child doesn’t make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, “Well, next time you’ll work harder and make it.” Instead, say something like, “Well, you didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.” Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.

• Be a positive role model. If you are excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model.

• Identify and redirect your child’s inaccurate beliefs. It’s important for parents to identify kids’ irrational beliefs about themselves, whether they are about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping your child set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating himself will help your child have a more healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to a child. For example, a child who does very well in school but struggles with math may say, “I can’t do math. I’m a bad student. Not only is this a false generalization, it’s also a belief that will set your child up for failure. Encourage your child to see the situation in its true light. A helpful response might be: “You are a good student. You do great in school. Math is just a subject that you need to spend more time on. We’ll work on it together.”

• Be spontaneous and affectionate with your child. Your love will go a long way to boost your child’s self-esteem. Give your child hugs. Tell your child you’re proud of her. Leave a note in your child’s lunch box that reads, “I think you’re terrific!” Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it. Kids can tell whether something comes from the heart.

• Give positive, accurate feedback. A comment such as, “You always work yourself up into such a frenzy!” will cause a child to start believing he has no control over his outbursts. A better statement is, “You were really mad at your brother. But I appreciate that you didn’t yell at him or hit him.” This acknowledges your child’s feelings and rewards the choice that your child made, encouraging your child to make the right choice again next time.

• Create a safe, nurturing home environment. A child who does not feel safe or is being abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may become depressed and withdrawn. Always remember to respect your child.

• Make your home a safe haven for your family. Watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other potential factors that may affect your child’s self-esteem. Deal with these issues sensitively but swiftly.

• Help your child become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both children.

• Be generous with praise. Parents must develop the habit of looking for situations in which children are doing a good job, displaying talents, or demonstrating positive character traits. Remember to praise children for jobs well done and for effort.

• Teach positive self-statements. It is important for parents to redirect children’s inaccurate or negative beliefs about themselves and to teach them how to think in positive ways.

• Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame. Blame and negative judgments are at the core of poor self-esteem and can lead to emotional disorders.

• Teach children about decision-making and to recognize when they have made good decisions. Let them “own” their problems. If they solve them, they gain confidence in themselves. If you solve them, they will remain dependent on you. Take the time to answer questions. Help children think of alternative options.

• Show children that you can laugh at yourself. Show them that life doesn’t need to be serious all the time and that some teasing is all in fun. Your sense of humor is important for their well-being.

Finding Professional Help

If you suspect your child has low self-esteem, you can get professional help. Family and child counselors can work to uncover underlying issues that are preventing your child from feeling good about himself. Therapy can adjust the way a child views himself and the world. This can enable a child to first see himself in a more realistic light, and then to accept who he truly is. With a little help, every child can develop healthy self-esteem for a happier, more fulfilling life.