Earlier this fall many parents sent their son or daughter off to college. For some parents, this was not just a new experience for their child. It may also have been an introduction to the empty-nest years. If this sounds familiar, here are some thoughts from Dr. David Lowenstein about navigating this chapter in your life.

In the beginning, it’s all about dirty diapers and late-night feedings. Suddenly the kids are crawling, then walking, then talking and eventually riding bikes. Before you know it, you’re running a taxi service for them and their friends. Then they are running one for themselves. That’s about the time you feel like a switchboard operator, sitting up nights browsing the classifieds for a second job to pay for the phone bill, worrying about when they are coming home, and wondering if you will ever have access to your car again.

Let’s face it. Once you have kids, life is a blur. Then, with the blink of an eye, they’re gone.

After two decades of screen doors banging, parent-teacher conferences, wet towels on the bathroom floor and evenings at the ball field, your time is yours again. And the house seems so quiet.

For many parents this is an exciting phase, a time to watch your adult children conquer the world while you rediscover personal interests or revel again in the joys of being a couple. But it can also be a painful time—a period of jarring transitions and mixed feelings. It is often difficult to adjust to the reality that the children are not there and that your life no longer revolves around them. Suddenly there is a vacuum in your life. And the question is: How do you deal with it?

When children leave home, all parents experience feelings of sadness and loss. This is commonly known as the empty nest syndrome. But it’s important to realize that while it can deeply affect some parents, other parents quickly adjust to the new living arrangement.

If a parent is having trouble adjusting to the “empty nest,” he or she should not ignore it. Symptoms of depression may include a sense of fatigue, loss of appetite, an inner feeling of restlessness that makes it difficult to relax, difficulty sleeping and a loss of interest in life.

At the same time, empty nesters should be aware that this is a time of transition, and the sadness may pass. Realizing that the relationship has changed, accepting your new role as the parent of adults, and respecting your grown children’s independence are all key factors in coming to terms with the empty nest syndrome. Here are some additional considerations:

• Nurture independent interests that are separate from your children and from your role as a parent—before your kids leave home. You will then be prepared to fill the extra time.
• Discuss as a couple how you will deal with this time period before it happens.
• Explore new ways to fill your time: travel, hobbies, reading, volunteering—even returning to school.
• Examine the past transitions in your life to assess how well you might deal with the time when your kids leave home. Parents who struggled emotionally when their child started school or went to camp for the first time are more likely to have difficulty adapting to a permanent “empty nest.”
• Focus on the positive, including your new-found freedom and the opportunities to establish bonds of friendship with grown children on levels that might not have been possible before.

How about you? Please share your stories. How did you adjust to the empty-nest years? What advice do you have for other parents? What’s the best thing about this time in your life?
Do you have a question for Dr. Lowenstein? Visit www.https://drlowenstein.com/ and click on Ask Dr. Dave.