BLOG

Direct from
Dr. Lowenstein

Divorce: Helping Your Teen Cope

If you’re currently raising a teen – or it’s something you’ve done in the past – you know all too well that teenagers come with their own set of needs. The emotional and physical development that takes place during the teen years can be a lot to handle for anyone. But when divorce is added into the mix, it can make an already volatile situation doubly challenging.

If you’re recently divorced or you’re in the middle of a divorce, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with some complex emotions. The same is true for your teenage son or daughter. Thankfully, he or she has you to help make sense of it all. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you help your teen through this difficult time.

  • Remember that your teen isn’t an adult. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the young people living with you aren’t actually adults, even when they drive your car and borrow your clothes. It’s important to keep in mind that your teen is still, for the most part, emotionally dependent on you. With that in mind, it’s unfair to expect teens to care for younger siblings or assume other roles beyond what they’re ready for. Chores are one thing; making your teen the housekeeper and cook is another.
  • Treat your teen fairly. While you and your ex have chosen to part ways, your teen probably feels torn in both directions. The last thing you want to do is force your teen to choose a side. It’s unfair, and the result will probably be the opposite of what you expect. Don’t ask your teen to keep secrets from your ex or spy on them. And don’t act jealous or angry when your teen chooses to spend time with your ex instead of you. Instead, make it clear that while the divorce may have been necessary, you still respect your ex as a person and as a parent.
  • Discuss your teen’s future. Teens are on the cusp of major life changes, so they may be worried about how the divorce will affect their future plans. Talk about whether college plans will change, or if you’ll be moving to a new school district. Be sure to listen to your teen’s concerns and respond with honest answers.
  • Let your teen know that it’s okay to seek professional help. Teens can be sensitive about their self-image, so it’s important to reinforce the fact that therapy is a normal, healthy part of life. As the parent, it’s your responsibility to watch for any warning signs that professional help may be needed, such as persistent struggles at school or in the community, a new set of friends, self-destructive behavior and moodiness.

No matter the circumstances of your divorce or the quality of your relationship with your ex, your teen needs your help to understand and feel confident going forward.

David Lowenstein, Ph.D. is a psychologist and the clinical director of Lowenstein & Associates, Inc. in Columbus, Ohio. In addition to providing therapeutic services to individuals and families, he offers training and consultation to numerous associations, schools and agencies around the country. Additionally, he is a frequent radio and TV guest and a resource and contributing writer for numerous newspapers and magazines nationwide. Contact Dr. David Lowenstein at 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.